Log in

No account? Create an account
Too small thoughts - Her Most Regal Majesty, the Queen of Snark
void where prohibited, except by law
Too small thoughts
It is possibly my greatest fear that I will die without having achieved anything I regard as significant.

It is occasionally suggested that one ought to feel somehow grateful for all the things in one's life that are not as bad as they might be. Frankly the thought that the world is full of people whose lot is as bad or worse than mine simply leaves me feeling impotent and despairing of ever doing any real good. What use is a drop of water falling on the desert sands?

Once again the pain is too much to bear. And yet I have no choice but to bear it. I'm so very tired.
4 comments or Leave a comment
From: ex_lark_asc Date: September 7th, 2004 04:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
I learnt several years ago that the most significant thing I can do is change other people's lives for the better by loving and supporting them individually. That's what means most to the people themselves, and causes one to be most fondly thought of and remembered. I've got a lot of time, money and physiological limitations that mean I'm not likely to be able to climb Everest, become a victorious general, write a world-changing book or anything else archetypally influential/significant; but I can do my damnedest to turn myself into someone who's capable of being a near-saint to people I care about, capable of helping them in a way that's good and right for them personally, and that's one of my greatest goals in life. The feeling that I'd failed in that was a lot of what caused me all the stress I went through over the weekend.
sesquipedality From: sesquipedality Date: September 7th, 2004 05:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'd come to a similar conclusion as far back as my undergraduate years. And I know from my friends that I do make a difference on that level. And yet I am left with this overwhelming feeling of failure. That I could have been so much more completely myself, possibly that I still could be, and yet I am failing in that task.
From: ex_lark_asc Date: September 8th, 2004 08:57 am (UTC) (Link)
Hmmm. See in this respect I have the advantage that I know "myself" has a great inbred tendency to be very soft-hearted and caring, which makes me well suited to using helping people to define myself and give me a sense of achievement; and I also know that I'm very insightful, which makes me good at it.

I guess you're more in need of finding something that gives you what sorting people out gives me; plugs into the right bits of your mind and makes you feel worthwhile as a person.
liriselei From: liriselei Date: September 8th, 2004 02:04 pm (UTC) (Link)
What use is a drop of water falling on the desert sands?

depends if it lands on the seed waiting to receive it or not. and even if of no practical use, what of its aesthetic and symbolic value ? on another tack - the metaphor chosen is something of a self-fulfilling prophecy; the quantum butterfly or the pebble-that-starts-the-avalanche might be more hopeful. i've always been fond of the old "every wave and storm is comprised of individual droplets" view myself.

the pain is too much to bear

there are many who'd help you bear it if they could.
even pain can be transmuted into useful energy,
though i don't know if that's something that can be taught.

btw, 'twas good to see you at the fair last night, although as usual when meeting you my mind immediately became devoid of all but the most trivial conversational inspiration !
self-analysis suggests that this is because on an instinctive level i consider you pack, but on a practical level we have few sources of common reference or experience. which makes for awkwardness in interaction on my part.
4 comments or Leave a comment