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It ain't what you do - Her Most Regal Majesty, the Queen of Snark
void where prohibited, except by law
It ain't what you do
It's been pointed out to me that I don't seem to update very often of late. Not sure why, but I don't really seem to have a great deal to say of late.

Life seems to be continuing its slow upward trend, although it's not helped by the usual bouts of depression. markbanang is still lovely. Job is still rewarding (sometimes). Life is still pretty chaotic. As such there doesn't seem to be much to comment on.

Lots of people were kind enough to come round to mine and eat Swiss Chocolate yesterday. They seemed to enjoy it. Was nice to do something that was both social and relaxing, as live roleplaying never seems to be.

I seem to be in one of those weird headspaces where I think that everything I say upsets of offends someone. Doubtless some of the time I'm even right about that. While I prefer not to offend people, and make efforts to avoid doing so where I am aware of the danger, I think it's more or less inevitable from time to time, and I hope that if my friends are kind enough to forgive me when I do so.

It is also important to remember that many of the things I say I don't actually believe. It's the way my sense of humour works, and I appreciate it leads to confusion from time to time. If you do have an issue with something I've said, please do talk to me about it. Like I said, I'm not actively trying to offend.
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secretrebel From: secretrebel Date: May 12th, 2008 02:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
Everyone upsets and offends occasionally. I don't think I know any human being so highly evolved that they're incapable of offense.

That said, (and bearing in mind I have no idea who you may or may not have offended) I think there may be a problem with your approach here. If you feel you are getting a frisson of something from a friend, it's better to speak to them directly about it than issue a general invitation to tell you about it.

The reasons for this are subtle and multifarious but have to do with the level of consciousness the offender has of their offence. If someone were to offend me and remain blissfully ignorant of their offence, I'm not sure I'd want to be the one to disillusion them. Why bother, when I could simply spend time with my less offensive/unaware friends?

I also feel that the way this is expressed suggests (and doubtless unintentionally so) that there's an onus on other people to tell you whether you are getting your interactions wrong. If you think that in saying things you "don't believe" for humourous effect you are causing offense, you might want to look again at that style of humour and how you can/should adjust it to your audience. A "that's how I am and I want my friends to accept me for who I am" style of interaction carries the danger that people don't want to hurt/offend you by suggesting you change something fundamental to yourself.
sesquipedality From: sesquipedality Date: May 12th, 2008 03:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
All very valid points. To clarify, I, like you, have no idea who I may or may not have offended otherwise I would raise it with them directly, as I have done in the past. I am aware of some of the issues with my sense of humour and try to minimise them but it's hard to change habits ingrained over many years overnight. It's more about saying by way of general apology that "I may not be quite as objectionable as I appear on the surface".

This particular feeling is very nebulous and paranoia driven. The problem with paranoia is that having in the past had one particular experience where I've felt paranoid, dismissed it, and later realised I wasn't being anything like paranoid enough, it tends to take me badly.

I felt kind of conflicted about even posting about this, as I think it can come over as overly apologetic. As you say, everyone upsets and offends from time to time, and I think that on the whole I'm a pretty likeable person and not in particular more likely than average to offend or upset.

As you say, I have no wish to imply that people are under any obligation to tell me when I'm getting it wrong. If they do so however, it does mean that I'm less likely to repeat the behaviour that has upset them. I like my friends, and don't want to upset them if I can avoid it.
brinker From: brinker Date: May 12th, 2008 03:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
Not much to say from here, although I have problems picturing you saying something that'd offend me. Course, it's been far too long since we've really talked, too. :(

Mostly, though, I just wanted to say it's good to hear from you, and that yes, you do need to post more often.
sesquipedality From: sesquipedality Date: May 12th, 2008 03:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you.
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