Cassandra (sesquipedality) wrote,

Laws of the Internet

Now seems an apposite time to remind people of my theorems concerning the weird and wonderful world that is the Internet.

Sesquipedality's First Law of the Internet states that for any given activity conceivable to the human mind, there is at least one man* somewhere on the Internet who is turned on by it.

More relevantly, Sesquipedality's Second Law of the Internet (aka the Immaculate Conception of the Forum) states that any given communications medium is created in a state of divine grace and declines exponentially in quality thereafter.

The First Corollary to the Second Theory is that any Internet forum is much worse than when you joined it, no matter when you joined it, or how much or little time has elapsed since.

Really I ought to have a Third Law. I'd like "Beware of the Leopard", but that's already been taken. How about "Do not feed the ocelot, for it is just quick in general, really".

* Call me sexist if you like, observation appears to indicate that men are on average kinkier than women**. Probably due to higher testosterone levels or something. If anyone can show me any studies that indicate otherwise, I'll happily revise the First Law.

** This is not a value judgement. If you have negative associations with the word 'kinky', kindly refrain from assuming I have similar associations.
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